Over the past few months, I have been praying to God to guide me with my compulsive overeating when I eat supper. I have gotten stressed out these past few months and have taken larger portions every supper. I could make it to supper and then I resorted to old habits and used the food to calm my anxiety, rather than for fuel for my body. I knew if I kept up on this trajectory I may never come out of this relapse. I kept praying to God, but I wasn’t willing to take any action. I just wanted God to do all of the work while I kept on overeating every night. I held my ground fighting with God that I needed to be magically cured.
Every moment of the day my HP was within me, wanting for me, but I would not surrender and lovingly cooperate with my HP.
I don’t know what shifted me to accept help. Maybe being sick and tired of being sick and tired. Maybe the Acceptance Prayer on page 417 of AABB that I read often. Maybe the people at meetings sharing their experience, strength and hope. I don’t have to know the answer. I’m grateful I was open and willing to accept help.
I am not alone. I have my HP and many members in the OA fellowship willing to be of service. I have a sponsor and the tools of the program. Today I’m willing to ask for help and I have a desire to stop eating compulsively.
I am a compulsive overeater and I’m grateful there is a solution.
On page 28 of the AABB it reads: “We, in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer ‘a design for living’ that really works.” I’m grateful my mighty HP is giving me life this day and I’m willing to be honest with myself and others, be open to suggestions from HP and others in recovery and be willing to do what it takes.
I only need to do this one day at a time and I’m grateful for these past 3 weeks that I’m using Good Orderly Direction. Life may still have its stressors, but it’s amazing how lighter life feels when I put my hand in yours.
Love and blessings,
Sue, Recovering Compulsive Overeater