My name is Adina, and I am a compulsive overeater and food addict. I’ve been in program for over 2 years now and without this work I would be in a very different place.
Going to my first meeting, I remember freezing in my car and almost driving away. I had admitted that I needed help; accepting that help was another story. I did go inside, and I remember not saying anything during the meeting, though I listened. What I heard was shocking to me. It was my story coming out of another person. How could this person know I felt that way too?
Like many things in my life, I was determined to do this on my own, no sponsor. At first, I was convinced I was doing well. I had cut out flour and sugar; I could do that on my own. After 2 weeks I had that internal conversation that said, “See, I can do this if I really want to,” and “I’ve proven I can do it, I just don’t want to.” Thinking about it now, I know I was still being controlled by my addiction.
I came ‘back’ to program a few months later and told myself I would not leave that meeting without a sponsor. I know now my Higher Power was at work that day. I had nearly left when I met someone else heading to the meeting who could show me where to go, and I DID find a sponsor that day.
I learned quickly that program was helping me in ways I never thought it would. I had better focus and was more present to my surroundings. I learned how to take a moment and breathe, or make a call when things felt tough.
Fast forward to where I am now, I’ve been abstinent for over 2 years, and I’ve gotten even more out of program than I expected. My family and I are dealing with a crisis and my reaction now is very different from what it would have been. Pre-program, I would have gone out and binged on pretty much anything I could get my hands on. Now, my first instinct was to reach out and talk to someone in program.
My reaction now is to work through my feelings and understand that they won’t go away overnight, but also remind myself that this crisis is something out of my control. It’s what we say every time we recite the Serenity Prayer. “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…” I cannot change my family’s situation. I am working on my acceptance of this, and I keep working my program.
I know I’m going to have my weighed and measured meals three times a day. I’m going to three meetings this week. I’m going to reach out to other members and do service where I can.
The OA community and 12-step program have helped me so much, and I plan to keep working my program to the best of my ability. Thank you, Adina