Yesterday at my OA meeting, we read and shared on step 3 of the AABB. God knew I needed to see and hear those words on those pages because I was busy running the show and failing miserably.
I have not been feeling very well the past several days. I called my doctor’s office when I started having symptoms and they told me to go to the ED to get a CT scan. I didn’t feel my symptoms warranted me doing that. I was sure I could get this turned around with my own will. A couple of days later, after still not feeling any better, I called the doctor’s office again. They suggested this time I go to the ED immediately. I told the caring person on the other end of the phone that I didn’t think that I was that sick. They suggested one more time to go to the ED. I complied, but in my head, I was judging them, that I probably knew better than they did. I was sure I was going to be wasting an entire day only to be told there was nothing wrong and I could go home.
As it turned out, I was admitted to the hospital, much to my surprise. The following morning, I was even more surprised when the wise doctor told me I would not be going home. The doctor told me I was staying in the hospital for another day. Then a very polite worker brought in a breakfast tray for me that I hadn’t even ordered. On the tray was coffee, chicken broth, and jello. I hate coffee. I hate chicken broth. And I had seen enough jello for the week. I was just burned up!!!
Everybody was making decisions for me, and they weren’t consulting with me, The Director! I run the show! As those words ran through my head, I immediately went to God in prayer. Once again, I was trying to take control and once again, it was proven to me that it doesn’t work out in my favor. My way is never going to come to fruition.
I’m grateful I can take steps 1, 2, and 3 every day, multiple times a day. I’m grateful I became aware of my unhealthy, sick actions that threaten my relationship with my God. That’s my disease at work trying to separate me from my Higher Power! What I do know is that God is my loving parent who does give me careful guidance and does wisely and lovingly direct my life. I’m grateful to be able to trust and rely on God to give me what I need each day. I lovingly cooperate (surrender) to ask God to be my guide and to relieve me of the bondage of self so that I may be relieved of my fears, self will run riot, self-centered thinking that I know best, and the need to judge others.
God is giving me the ability to take the next right action. I do that by asking God for help repeatedly throughout my day. I am grateful I can surrender and trust God one day at a time. I’m God’s kid, loved being measure. God’s love for me keeps me coming back because I can’t, but God can.
Love and blessings,
Sue S.
Disclosure: personal stories express the experience, strength, and hope of the individual member and not of OA as a whole.