I am Beverly, a compulsive overeater and food addict from Cape Cod Mass. My story starts as a teenager needing to loose 10-12 lbs. My Mum took me to a weigh and pay program, and I remained in that program from age 19 to 52, when they went out of business. I found myself kneeing at my bedside, pounding the bed, wondering what to do. I got mad at God and asked Him what He was going to do. My answer came when a lady from church took me to my first 90 day O.A. meeting. She took me to three meetings, and so my journey began.
I recently qualified on Chapter 3 “More About Alcoholism”. I related to “my countless vain attempts …which drove me almost into the gates of insanity.” I was unable to handle my food. I would buy food and eat it on the way home. I would bake a dessert for the family and hide one in back of the refrigerator for myself, hide behind the freezer door while digging in, sit in my chair with my food all around me isolating and reading, while my family’s needs went unmet. I was having panic attacks, although I did not know what they were at the time. I would be driving and have to pull over, shaking perspiring. (The panic attacks ended when I put the flour and sugar down).
I have been in OA 24 years now and never left. I have always had a sponsor and attended meetings. I have not done the program perfectly, struggling with my abstinence. For my first couple of years, I wanted to combine the weigh and pay weight loss plan with O.A’s 12 step program. It did not work, “half measures avail us nothing.” (Quote from AA book). Then it was suggested I go to a Big Book step study meeting and get a sponsor. This is where my transformation started to take place.
My sponsor invited me to her house. We had a chair for God and we lit a candle said the Set Aside prayer. She picked up my hand and mentioned it was her job to teach me to rely on God. And she placed my hand in God’s hand. I can now feel it and remember it happening. Something changed. I always had a God attended church regularly. But now I had access to my God. People in the program were telling me they saw the changes in me before I did. Then one day I saw myself in the mirror and finally saw what others were seeing. I had changed, was changing. I was evolving! What the program has done for me is simple: it has transformed me.
We hear slogans in program. Some of the slogans that have helped me, If nothing changes nothing changes, Easy does it, Let go and Let God, Keep it simple, Prayer changes things, and I like this acronym, F.R.O.G. (fully relying on God.)
Today I am in need of my 90 day program. When I moved to Cape Cod, I exchanged the 90 day program for a less structured program. I wanted fellowship, companionship, and a group of friends I could be with. I do have a wonderful group of friends and they are a gift. Now I need to concentrate again on my 90 day program to promote my recovery. Thanks to telephone meetings and Zoom I now have the gift of recovery at my finger tips.
Don’t give up, no matter what. Keep coming back; it works if you work it.
Beverly
Grateful compulsive overeater