Wendy’s share:
In Step 8, we make a list of all the people we have harmed and become willing to make amends to them all. Most of my list came from my Fourth Step inventory. During my Fifth Step, I was advised by my sponsor to circle in red the people I believed I might need to make amends to. I also added anyone else who came to mind, that had no resentment attached to it.
My sponsor had me divide the names into four groups:
1. People I was willing to make amends to
2. People I was unsure if amends were needed
3. People I was unwilling to make amends to
4. Financial amends
I discussed the people I was unsure about with my sponsor, and together we decided which amends were necessary.
For anyone I was unwilling to make amends to, my sponsor told me to pray daily that they would receive the same health, happiness, and prosperity I wanted for myself. Also I was to ask God to soften my heart during this process. There was only one person on this list, and she slowly moved from unwilling, to unsure, to willing. This took several weeks but it worked.
I went over the financial amends with my sponsor and together we decided how these were to be accomplished. For example, some stores had gone out of business so I made a donation to a food pantry or other charity that was fitting. I felt very supported by my sponsor through this process. I would suggest to anyone who is working on step 8, to work through it with prayer and meditation and a sponsor. Alone I tend to be either very hard on myself or dismiss my part in things.
Working Step 8 reminded me that willingness is something that grows, not something I force. Each name on my list became an opportunity to trust God a little more and to let go of the fear that kept me stuck for so long. As I moved through this step, I found a gentleness in myself that I didn’t expect — a sense that healing was happening even before any amends were made. I’m grateful for the chance to walk through it, and for the grace that met me each time I became willing.
Wendy, Compulsive Overeater