I was grateful to be asked to write on my Program (Faith) Journey for the MBI Newsletter. This dovetails so nicely with a commitment I am taking this evening: “Am I willing to accept spiritual help?” If I don’t get a chance to share tonight, I am content in being able to share with you, now.
Is “My Program Journey” the same as “My Faith Journey”? For me, it is. Even all these years later I can still feel a bit self-conscious that perhaps this sounds fanatical or that I will turn people off by saying that the entire purpose of my demise via eating (bankrupt on every level) was to put me in touch with God and that my program is entirely about deepening that relationship. But for me that is true. When I am eatingcompulsively or when food takes on a higher importance in my life, I reap nothing but pain. And when I put God first and my program first, life goes so infinitely much easier.
I heard a quote today, “No one is born wise”, and how true that is. The hope is that we learn from our experiences. When I first came in, they said to always share your numbers because this gave people hope and even fortifies my own faith. My last top weight was 213 pounds. It took me about a year to lose 90 pounds at a rate of about 8 pounds a month which, at the time, didn’t seem fast enough. However, buying my way through four brand-new pants sizes was pretty darn good. It took many long hard years of pain and humiliation to get to my current “wisdom” and willingness. So now I pray every day that I retain and grow in this state.
In summation, I guess I’d just like to say that abstinence and life and contentment and my proximity to God gets easier and easier and better and better. Where I used to have to ask God for help with patience getting to meals, I no longer do. My meals are great, but they don’t outshine the love for my nephews or joy in my friends. “What is the question? God is the answer”. I don’t have to take inconsiderate people’s heads off anymore, and I don’t beat myself up for sometimes reacting or feeling fear. Instead, I pause. I know this will pass. And then I say “thank you”. Thank you for letting me talk about faith and trust and wisdom.
Wishing you all a wonderful, abstinent day,
Anne from Wellesley