Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Alcoholics Anonymous, page 59.
In our beloved AA Big Book, the directions for Step 5 are found in Chapter 6 – Into Action, pages 72-75.
“Now these are about to be cast out.” AA Big Book page 72. This always makes me think of an exorcism. Admitting the exact nature of my wrong was ridding myself of the poison which had blocked me from Higher Power. I had always wanted to enjoy a certain reputation, but now if I wanted to get free I must get honest and spill my inventories.
This was not planned, but I happened to finish my writing on my 4th Step on Good Friday. Being raised Catholic, I like to go to a church and do the Stations of the Cross. I took my notebook with me with all my writings from my fearless and thorough 4th Step. Going to each station, I felt like I was acknowledging my wrongs and believing Jesus was taking them all to the cross so I could be forgiven.Then on Saturday I read my 5th Step writing to God, myself, and my sponsor. On Sunday I felt like I had been reborn, I had risen to a new way of being in my recovery journey through the grace of God.
The 5th Step promises – “We are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.” AABB page 75.
The first promise came to me on the ride home from my sponsor’s house, “We can be alone at perfect peace and ease.” Finally, the volume of the voices in my head were turned down. I knew a silence I had never known before.
Also listening to another’s 5th Step is a privilege and an honor. My sponsor gave me the time and attention to listen to mine and I want to do the same for someone else.
Thank You Dear God my Friend, and so it is, blessed be.
Michaeline
(Writer, 12STEPRECOVERYANONYMOUS group)